Weekly Devotional, Life Journal

I have always been a busy body. My Mom is constantly telling me to slow down, rest, take it easy. To me, it is much easier said than done.

When I sit still I feel guilty and non-productive. In my mind, there is always something else to be done - dishes, laundry, a blog post, taking photos for my blog or boutique, organizing, budget, bills, etc. It's really never-ending. 

This is both a blessing and a curse. 

I like to think that I am highly productive and great at multitasking but in turn I also know that I get burned out from the constant speed of my life. 

I have been thinking of this a lot. Some in 2018, and definitely more so in 2019. I have these thoughts and feelings that if I can accomplish one more thing, or finish all of the weekly tasks over the weekend that maybe, just maybe I'll wake up and feel so much better. 

Do you think that actually happens? 

It doesn't. When I do all of those things, I wake up and create a new set of daily/weekly tasks that now need to be done. It is a vicious cycle. When you get into a cycle like that it's easy to fall into the trap of a monotonous life. Is this really all there is? Wishing, wanting and doing more? But for what - just to tell ourselves that we did it? That's ridiculous. What I have come to realize is that the feeling of accomplishment from doing a million things lasts only a split second. And was it worth it? 

Not really. 

Don't get me wrong. There are certain things that I love and fill me up (insert this blog), but what I am needing to learn and strive toward this year is filling myself with something that is more worthwhile. Do you ever feel that way? Is there something in your life that you constantly do/strive for that doesn't bring you a ton of joy? 

I was aggressively flipping from chapter to chapter in Embraced, hoping that I would read something that would touch my heart and capture exactly what I am feeling. When I got to chapter 34, Consumed by Cravings I knew I had hit the jackpot. 

I didn't know what to expect, but I hoped that Lysa's "cravings" where somewhat similar to what I struggle with. 

Although she has her own story and relation with the chapter, I was able to take it and apply it to my life and situation as well. Ultimately the chapter touches on the constant "craving" or need for the next best thing... If I get this or do that, then I'll be happy. 

I can't tell you how many times I have thought that. If I can get everything done in the house today, tomorrow will be perfect. If I plan out photos and blog posts for a month, I won't have to think about it at all. 

But has any of that rang true? Again, not really. No matter how much I have accomplished, I always find myself looking for something more. When in reality I should feel accomplished, and take time to relax. Why is it so difficult?  

Because I (we) are consumed by our cravings. Assuming that the next thing (not what we are currently blessed with in our lives) will fill that void in our heart, in our lives. That it will fix tomorrows issues. It's frustrating if you actually think about. In today's society we are all about working harder, faster, being prettier, skinnier, a better entrepreneur... I could go on forever. What we (yes - you and I) need is to stop. Stop and reflect. 

In reading last weeks devotional and knowing the tiredness, over-worked and unfilled heart because of the busyness of my life - there are a few things that I am pushing myself to pursue. Instead of consuming my life with the cravings of goals, lists, to-dos, this or that, social media and stress, I am striving for more (and not in the unhealthy ways I describe above). I want my faith to grow stronger.

I've been thinking about this for a while now. I hear people talk about when they truly came to know Jesus, and how it affected their lives. That is what I want. But how do you even get there? How do you redirect your attention when you're stuck in the routine of your everyday life? I'm finding that it's hard. Really hard. But in the end it's worth trying for, and I can't wait to take big strides this year.

Overall I hope to rest, reflect, build that relationship, and find peace with exactly where I am at in life.  I want to be able to stop and listen; take in the moment and day without thinking about what needs to be done next.

It doesn't mean I will stop being productive. I won't stop hustling for what I want and deserve. But I won't let the hustle cloud my mind on what is actually important in my life. 

Focus your mind on the things that will fill your heart. 
For me, that's truly coming to know Jesus. 

What is it for you? 
Until next time. 

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