So, it's been a little over a month since I shared an update on our journey. If you're not sure what "journey", or recently started following the blog, you can find my very first post about our struggle with infertility here.
I enjoy being able to share our life with y'all, and I think the video is a great addition. Plus, what better way to look back on our story one day? Thanks to my sister and mom for the encouragement to record it, and share it! Like my sister said, I may be helping someone else by putting it out there. I mean, Eleni with Convey the Moment is the one who inspired me to share our struggles.
Stop by and show her some love. She recently welcomed her baby girl into the world, and she's the sweetest.
I'll quit rambling and get to the point of this post. Video first, and then I'll explain.
So, as you heard (and saw) from the video, Chris and I did our first at home trigger shot. We were scared to death, but in reality, it wasn't that bad. Chris acted all cool | calm | collected in the video, but I could tell he was nervous. Gotta love him for staying chill for me!
Now all the details of how this came about.
A while ago we started our fertility treatments with Dr. Pinto. We met with him, time and time again, discussed our options, ran a ton of tests, and then moved forward with the first and lease invasive treatment. We (I) began taking clomid. Basically I take clomid for 5 days, go in for a sonogram to see if my follicles are growing, and if so proceed with a trigger shot. The "trigger" tells your body to release an egg.
If your body listens (which apparently mine is a bit stubborn!), and you follow the doctors directions, you should become pregnant.
This time, which is what the video reflects, was our third round of clomid. And this time my body ran a little behind schedule. I went in after my 5 days of clomid and my follicles weren't large enough. I went back again (on my birthday), and my follicle (which was previously follicles) was almost at the size they would like. So instead of the doctor giving me the shot, she decided I should wait until the next day, and do it myself. Holy shit. What?! For real? Do people do this?
Of course I knew they did, but I was hoping we wouldn't have to do that. Lord help us if we have to move on to injectables. I was a nervous freaking wreck. I didn't even sleep the night before, woke up at the crack of dawn, and impatiently waited for Chris to wake up to give me the shot.
After freaking out about it for over a day, it finally happened. And it wasn't bad at all! All of that stress and worry for no reason. If you're reading this post and you are in a similar boat, do not be afraid of the shot! It's not bad at all, promise. The needle was tiny and it lasted about 3 seconds. Now, is it something I want to do over and over again? Hell no. But if we have to, I'll be more chill about it in the future.
So anyway, you basically get the gist of all of that in the video.
What isn't in the video is the next 14 days. It's a waiting game. You wait for 14 days and then take a pregnancy test. Round 1 and 2 of clomid, this was exciting. How fast can 14 days go by. Can I take a test yet?!
Third round of clomid is a bit different. The task of taking a pregnancy test becomes daunting. You want to take it, but you don't at the same time. You're afraid that those very bold, very intimidating words NOT PREGNANT will hit the screen and leave you feeling empty.
You don't want to take it because you want to continue with the hope and possibility that you may be pregnant.
And then you take it, which we did on Friday, and those very bold words, NOT PREGNANT hit me like a freight train. Again? Another month of disappointment. Another month of wondering why/how?
Life is not fair you guys. It's really not. And it's really hard to understand why this is happening, and why we were chosen to walk this journey. The even harder part, trying to tell yourself you don't need to know why. You don't need to worry, and you need to trust that it will happen in His time.
Aren't we deserving of this life to become parents? I want to be Mom. I want to see Chris as a Dad. I want to watch us become parents together.
So with another month passing, I take a deep breath and enjoy the life I do live. I continue to share our journey, document my thoughts and pray that in good time, we will have our baby.
And if you're walking this journey alongside us. We pray for you too. All in good time.
Until next time.