I came across a passage the other day while swiping through insta-stories and I felt the need to share. It brought a lot of emotions to the surface, and while I tried to sort through exactly what I want to share, it's a lot to process. I hope that this blog post makes a little bit of sense.
It went like this.
"Do not search for security in the world you inhabit. You tend to make mental checklists of things you need to do in order to gain control of your life. If only you could check everything off of your list, you could relax and be at peace. But the more you work to accomplish that goal, the more things crop up on your list. The harder you try, the more frustrated you become".
YES.
I wrote about something similar to this is in my devotional - Consumed By Cravings. Then I didn't realize why I was feeling the way I was feeling. Then I didn't realize that all I was trying to do is gain back control of my life. The harder I tried to accomplish everything on my list, the more frustrated I became. Nothing "made it all better". Nothing fulfilled those "cravings". No matter what I did or how much I accomplished I still felt a void. Like what I was doing in that moment wasn't enough.
It was happening so frequently for a few months that I started to feel something on the inside
I first realized it when I was getting emotional every week at church. I knew that it wasn't a coincidence that I was experiencing these overwhelming emotions week after week. I felt like something was pulling at my heart, telling me to let my guard down and understand what was happening deep inside.
What I think was happening is that I pushed so many hardships, difficult moments and emotions connected to those moments to the very back of my mind and never fully addressed them. I was covering up the fact that my life had become uncontrollable; keeping myself busy with lists and tasks accomplished my short-term goal, but ultimately left me feeling more frustrated and never at peace.
Now looking back and fully understanding where my mind and heart were in that exact moment, its really clear what I was doing. I was trying to gain back control of my life; doing anything in my power to feel like my life wasn't falling apart. As if running a thousand miles per minute is "normal". For me, and possibly for you to, staying overly busy is a distraction. Sometimes that is okay. But when your heart is screaming stop, slow down, there is probably something deeper than just "these tasks need to be done", and I urge you to listen to it.
I won't sit here and pretend it is not a struggle to follow through. It is. When I feel the frustration, lack of control, sadness and fear creeping in, I try to make a conscience effort to subside those thoughts and emotions, and seek guidance for a calm heart and clear path for what I need to see.
That is not always the case. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me, and I lash out in ways I should not.
2 Corinthians 4:18 says it best. "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen (our troubles), but on what is unseen (God), since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
For me the above says it all. Instead of paying attention and focusing only on the lists and to-dos I have created; the negative feelings, the bad moments, the sickness and sadness, instead I have to turn my focus to God. Let Him guide me in the direction I need to go, let Him show me what is important and what is not.
It is challenging to do that, you know. It is difficult to let go and not feel overwhelmed by the circumstances of your life. But I challenge you to take it day by day like me. Read a devotional. Say a prayer.
And recognize your heart; is it pulling you toward God, willing you to let go and trust Him? Mine sure was.
We can be on this journey together.
Until next time.
Post a Comment